Star Wars

Writing exercise

So, last night I did this exercise from a book titled, Write Now! Mysteries edited by Sherry Ellis & Laurie Lamson.

Feedback, espically for the third example would be greatly appreciated.

Murder from the Point of View of the Murderer, Victim, and Detective by Rebecca Cantrell, page 193
Exercise: Think about the crime itself; focus on specific details and emotions. Try to be as present as you can in each scene.

Write the murder from the murderer’s point of view
My Murderer: Thomas Benjamin
As Thomas held the spear point with kraton handle in his hand, he looked across the street as he saw his victim enter his house. Stepping out from his hiding place, he slipped the knife into his hooded jumper as he pulled the hood over his head and headed over to the house. His mind was racing, with thoughts switching between how he would commit the crime and the reason why he was doing this.

Once he had cleaned all the blood off him he would return home, return to his life, his real life of being a single father. He only murdered for Eliza and Sara, his two daughters, that his deadbeat ex-wife had left him with. He wanted a better life for them, and with no jobs going for butchers today, he wanted to put his skills to good use.

Pushing the thoughts aside he walked through the hallway into the kitchen where he came upon his victim. The man turned and surprised by Thomas said, ‘Who are you?’

‘Are you Taylor Derek?’ Thomas said.


Without wanting to delay, the inevitable Thomas lunged across the island bench and collapsed on top of Taylor. Pulling the weapon from concealment, Thomas thrusted the knife into Taylor’s chest, releasing a heart-wrenching gargling scream from his throat.


Mid-stab Thomas stopped when a grumble from beneath them became louder. Glancing around as the walls as they began to shake, he jumped off the body, dropping the knife and ran towards the door. With every step, the ground jolted sharply and as he exited the house, he looked down the road to a scene of horror. As he ran down the road towards the town centre, the buildings around him began to crumble.

My Murderer: Clara Derek
Clara lay on the bed reading a book, her mobile phone lay beside her. As the phone clicked over to 12:45pm she sighed and walked into the kitchen, boiling the kettle. As she let the teabag soak in the water, she saw the wrinkles in the water as the walls began to shake. Clara grabbed her wallet as she ran from her kitchen to underneath the stairs to shelter from the falling debris.  

Write the murder from the murder victim’s point of view
Taylor had just popped the kettle on, an inkling made him turn around and was shocked to see an unknown man in front of him, ‘Who are you?’ he asked.

The man ignored his question instead asking him, ‘Are you Taylor Derek?’

Taylor had no sooner replied yes when he found himself on the floor, with the intruder on top of him. He saw a splash of silver and the next he knew Taylor felt a sharp pain deep within his chest. As he tried to push the man off him, the pain began to radiate from multiple areas of his body.

It was soon that he began to fade in and out of consciousness, his eyes began to glaze over and within seconds he shut his eyes and let the pain consume him whiningly. 

Write the murder scene from the detective’s point of view
Arataki walked up the corridor; she just had a page from the forensic pathology unit. Entering the room she looked at the body on the table and standing behind it was forensic pathologist, Eric, ‘This better be important. I have a shit ton of paperwork from the Freznen case to do.’ She said.

‘I present your next case, Ma’am.’ Eric announced proudly.

‘Isn’t that just one of the autopsy’s that is part of the identification process from the earthquake?’

‘Yes it was, until I saw this.’

Eric motioned Arataki over to the body, as she stepped closer she let her eyes graze the body. There were dark bruises all over his body, and as she saw to where Eric was pointing she looked at him, ‘Blunt force trauma from the collapsed building, is this what you dragged me here for Eric?’ she said with a hint of annoyance in her tone.

‘Yeah that would be nice, if we didn’t find this in his head.’ Eric said.


‘A bullet, well two in fact.’

‘Have you done tests on his lungs?’ she said as she looked at the kidney dish which hold two bullets.

‘No dust in the lungs. He could not have suffocated from the collapse of the building, he was dead within seconds of the attack.’

 ‘Ok… I need to call Darcy; he needs to call it in as a crime scene.’

‘Done it while you were getting here, he is already on his way to the scene.’

‘Thank you, I better join him. Let me know when the final report is done.’

‘Yes Ma’am.’
Star Wars

Crime story update #2

Finished the plan for the first time - now to fine tooth comb it..... *crickets*

I am trying to think up innocent suspects for my victim who was going to come into a lot of money (that the wife didn't know about) but she hired a man to kill him to get life insurance money.

So, innocent victims? and why they would be suspected?
Writing: Should Be

New layout and Crime story update #1


So yes as the icon states I should be writing (or revising for my test in two weeks) but as I had such a good novel-planning day yesterday I thought I would just jott down a few notes for myself and anyone who is interested.

I am currently working on my protagonist, Arataki Murrow, who is from Bluff, New Zealand and now resides in Christchurch.

My murder is going to take place just before the Christchurch earthquake. It may have something to do with a murder for hire, insurance and I am not sure what else as yet.

I got a book called Writing and Plotting Your Mystery Novel by Hallie Ephron, which has a template for planning the novel, which is what I am going through at the moment.

Authors note: As you can see I have changed the layout and sidebar. As this journal will be for me to bitch about being a writer, if you wish to see my non-bitch writings check out
Star Wars

Essay: The Clock Strikes Twelve


Sitting back in my chair, I let my shoulders relax. I smiled to myself and was confident that everything is going to be ok, the clock has struck twelve and it is better than ever. With the first episode of Series 8 of Doctor Who, Deep Breath, I was anxious yet excited to see what Peter Capaldi would do with The Doctor.

Stephen Moffatt says that The Doctor is ‘…not necessarily looking for your approval…’[1] while Mark Gatiss says that this Doctor will ‘…not immediately going to be your best friend and can be quite abrupt and rude.”[2] It is these two traits that I identify with. I finally accepting the way I am – and if people don’t like me than that doesn’t worry me, and my mother has told me on numerous occasions that I can come across as abrupt and rude in some situations.

What was also a lovely touch is that this doctor shares an acid tongue, although a PG-rated version of it, with Malcolm Tucker from The Thick of It. When The Doctor reveals his disguise of the rubber mask he greats them with ‘Hello! Hello! Rubbish robots from the dawn of time.’[3] The Doctors’ cynicism is a welcomed change for me. I much prefer it then the whimsical, carefree nature of the past two doctors. The way I deal with stupid people in my life, and at times there is a lot of them, is to take two opposing traits that they have and relate them through wisecracks. If nothing more, it brings me a little solace in this world that I inhabit.

Peter has expressed about The Doctor he portrays that, ‘He’s more alien than he’s been for a while. He doesn’t quite understand human beings…’[4] and although I am one of them, I have a hard time understanding them as well. I live in a world where I am singled out for what I cannot do. Society focuses on that I am 'alien' to them and they don't quite know how to deal with me. They don't seem to get that I am exactly like them, only some of my wiring got mixed up and thus some parts of me short-circuited. Whereas The Doctor is a Timelord with two hearts, I am a human being with one twisted one: we are both being judged for being the only thing we can be in life.

The reaction when Peter Capaldi was announced as the new doctor was one of disgust from the fangirls mainly because of his age. Stephen Moffatt is known to be one writer who listens to the fans of a loved TV series. He incorporates this into the series, '...I’m accustomed to seeing through a veil... I wear a veil as he wore a face... for the oldest reason there is for anything. To be accepted...I wear a veil to keep from view what many are pleased to call my disfigurement. I do not wear it as a courteouscy to such people but as a judgement of the quality of their hearts.'[5] Madame Vastra says to Clara, as she is having trouble dealing with The Doctor's new appearance. As I watched the episode, I began to see myself being projected back at me. It has been nearly seven years that I have had my right wrist permanently straightened in order to gain acceptance from society of what to them is seen as an abnormality. Prior to this my wrist was severely disfigured, on one occasion I was told by a barrister's secretary that, '...people will look at your hand and automatically think you have a mental disorder...' with no mention of this is illegal and that there is a law forbidding this. It was this encounter that made me bow what they require, my wrist being straightened to look less alien in order to fit in.

There is one thing above all that I love about writing: the amenity of it. I can write something without the threat of people judging me on the way I look. After his regeneration, The Doctor feels the same way I have felt when I walk into an interview. When I walk in they see my wrist or my scars, focus on that, and don’t notice me. 'You can't see me can you? You look at me and you can't see me; do you have any idea what that's like?... I’m right here – standing in front of you. Please just…just see me.' The Doctor pleads with Clara to accept him the way he is: wrinkles, grey hair and Scottish.

Although I have been a fan of Doctor Who since its return and have watched classic episodes, I never felt like I had found a version of The Doctor that I connected with straight away. Until now. The clock has struck twelve, and with Peter Capaldi’s take on The Doctor I can say that finally, I have found My Doctor.